In my life.

I have a brother. I call him Alex. He has wide green eyes, a child like smile, and a joyful laugh. His hair is long right now, and light. He's thin, but not by nature. When he hugs me, especially goodbye, he pulls me in, holds me tight against him, like he's trying to show me with what strength he loves me. Alex is still in active addiction, but when I'm with him it's like everything in the world is alright. We laugh, we joke, we reminisce. I missed him so much. He goes to great lengths to accommodate my sobriety. He doesn't go off to the bathroom, ever, he doesn't steal away at all. When we're together he stays with me the whole time, with the exception of when he went to the kitchen to get me a glass of Kool Aid. For a while I tried to keep distance between us, but anytime I was talking to someone who was still in contact with him, I wanted to know how Alex was. I needed to know he was being taken care of without me or Shain being there. I love him more than anything. I would go to any length, no matter how absurd, to keep him safe, happy, healthy. You know, as safe, happy and healthy as a junkie can be. I can't imagine a life without my brother. I don't want to.